when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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