I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
