Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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