Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
