Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
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Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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