I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
