I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
