it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
