I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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