did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
