First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize