I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
