I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
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i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
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Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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