Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
