if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
