she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I believe in your delicious
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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