If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
