TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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