idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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