WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
