I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
