if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
