Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
