38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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