When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
