he wants to bone in the snuggie
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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