Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
