whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
