Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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