My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My dick has a subreddit
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
