i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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