take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
