So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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