Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
