i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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