pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
