I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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