Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
