I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
