I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
