apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
