I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
