Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
