Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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