wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
