he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
