Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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