Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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