The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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