sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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