she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
