Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
