Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
