If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
