I'm so fucking centered right now
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
