my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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