I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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