Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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