i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?