how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
