matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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