The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
