idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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