Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
