I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
