there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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