I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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