I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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