Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
