The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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