i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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