yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
