i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
