There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
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You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i out mim tonsoeep
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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