this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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