You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
