I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
