Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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