i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
